Month: March 2008

Dream Boy

Setting : Mid 1800’s. A small village in the Americas.

The village was a very close-knit community and spent a lot of time together. Well, with a population of just around a hundred and with pretty much nothing else to do, this was their way of staying in high spirits. So one such day, while almost the entire village at the bar, merrily drinking and laughing, a stranger entered the bar. He looked the perfect gentleman so to say, with a gentle demeanour. He joined the party, saying that he was one amongst them. He said he was born in this village, but ran away when he was a young boy to seek greener pastures. When he took some old names and recognised a few people, they believed his story and let him be.

He ordered something and sat on the bar stool, chatting away with the locals. The locals started introducing themselves to him and it so happened one person wasn’t all that enthusiastic about it. He hardly ever made eye-contact with this new guy. It so happened, that even he was a new guy. He had come to the village, with a similar storyline, just a week before. He said was a successful businessman and wanted to ply his trade in this village as well as neighbouring places.

Are these two guys upto something? Do they have a plan to con the entire village?

The villagers let it be, the tension between the two and moved ahead. They introduced a 7-year old boy to him. The boy was orphaned recently, with both his parents dying in a freak accident. He had been pretty much silent ever since. The village took good care of him ever since, but he was not the bubbly kid anymore. He lost interest in everything. Everything, but the longing to be with his parents again.

The New Guy (NG) looked into the kid’s eyes for a long time and said nothing. The Old New Guy (ONG) stared at the NG.

It was getting late and slowly the bar was emptying. The NG approached the village head and setup a proposition. He said he wanted to take the boy with him, for business purposes and the like. The head agreed thinking that even the boy needed some change from this place and that the NG seemed a decent guy. At this juncture, ONG comes up and says that he would like to have the kid with him. The head says that he will let the kid decide with whom he would like to stay and leaves the bar himself.

The NG and the ONG look at each other and smile. They ask the boy, not with whom he would like to go but where he wants to be the most. The boy says ” I want to be with my parents ” and they replied ” ..and we want to be with you.

” The kid suddenly had a bright smile on his face. So did the NG and the ONG. The three were never seen again.

His parents were sent to get him to where he belonged.

( I have just woken up to this dream )          

Do You Believe In God?

I did not know what to answer when my cousin asked me this a few years ago. In some ways, I still do not know. This identity crisis is because of being party to a lineage of priests and atheist/agnostic/communists ( all are the same to me ).

Whatever.

This is my favorite devotional song. 

Paisa Mein Paramathma Hai

 Guardian has this : 

Lord’s and The Oval will play host to matches involving franchises from the Indian Premier League this season if the MCC and Surrey accept offers from the new tournament’s organisers to stage games at their grounds. Games in the inaugural IPL season, which runs from April 18 to June 1, have already been allocated to venues in India but officials are keen to broaden the tournament’s horizons and staging what would amount to exhibition matches in England would be a starting point. The MCC and Surrey declined to confirm the IPL’s approach.  

About a month ago, EPL got its proposal of holding overseas matches ridiculed and then rejected.  Why? Amongst other reasons, the most significant one is the fact that EPL !=FA != FIFA. No puppetry. But can the same be said about ICC and BCCI? I suppose we all know the answer.

 Now the major other reason : EPL clubs have a strong local fan base, with, in some cases,  significant say in how the club is run. Loyalty, passion and the related shit. 

 The IPL is kind of making a master stroke, coming up with these overseas – neutral- venue – money laundering fixtures  much before the fans even support any team. But then again, its  not much of a master stroke. It is business as usual for cricket administrators (rant aimed at BCCI in particular), for when has the ticket-buying fan ever been of any concern to them. If he were part of their plans, then he wouldn’t have to bear the barbaric torture that has been the norm for watching a match in the stadia. But then again, nothing changes. 

Cry Baby

I cry a lot. When I am cutting onions. Which is very rare. So I cry very rarely. 

 Coming to the point. Today, I learnt the best way to peel the undesirable cover of an onion. I used to peel the whole onion and cry. Cut the damn thing in half and it almost peels off  on its own.

Feel so stupid now, having done it the other way all this time.

First Minute Rush

I always have had a dislike towards those who tend to huddle up at the door on a train approaching a halt, way before it is to reach the halt.  Especially when it is a significant halt. This crowd may have its reasons. Old age, line for the auto, whatever. My problem with these people was that they blocked my way to the toilet. I have this thing with trains. I drink coffee only on trains (yes. that very watery brown colored liquid passed off as coffee) and I need to use the loo only when the train is approaching a station. So these people effectively block my way to attaining nirvana.

 

I see similar routines being followed on flights ( I do not have any on flights, not yet ). Once the flight taxis down to the gate, the rush begins. The captain hasn’t yet turned off the seat-belts on sign, but the aisle is already filled with people fighting for space and their baggage. After a lot of hustling, staring, jostling and sometimes swearing, they all have their bags. And then, it happens. The wait for the cabin doors to open. 10-15 minutes of standing, with bodies mashed up against each other and luggage. I just love this part, because these guys are absolutely not used to the essence of bus / metro train travel. Their discomfort always makes me laugh. I feel that this is some kind of revenge taken by fate on my behalf. I happy. I very very happy.

Skiing For Dummies

 
If you do not know how to ski, then you have reached the right place. This article contains in the simplest of terms, the most comprehensive guide to skiing for a newbie.
1) If you do not know how to ski, then forget about it. This sport is not for you. You are either born with that talent or you are not. You cannot learn it. Don’t even think about it. And yeah, this guide wont help you one  bit.
2) Now that you are not willing to listen to me, I can’t help it. You’ve asked for it. Once you have decided to ski and drive down to the ski resort, do not realise after you have reached the resort, that you are not appropriately dressed. Basic Winter Clothing. Snow = Wet = Cold != Comfort. This is all the more important for novices like you since you shall spend more time rolling in the snow than skiing.
3) Once you reach the resort, there shall be a few people who will fleece you off a lot money and then  give you a pair of ski boots, skis and poles . Do not believe these guys. Run away. Go Home.
4) I don’t like you anymore. How dare you reach till here? Ok. I wont curse you anymore. Once you are geared, you will go to the slopey snowy hilly thing. You will be joined by a team of self proclaimed experts, who will try to impart their inborn talent to you. But credit should be given to them; they really try their best.
5) But they teach you something. Something like, how to stop.  In their parlance, its called a wedge, that is , pushing your heels sideways with  your toes point towards each other. Don’t even try this. It is the sole reason for you to spend more time in the snow than on the snow. But you will spend  more time in the snow than on the snow. Why? Because you don’t listen to me.
6) If this does not make you give up this skiing experiment, nothing will. There is a phenomenon called 2 year olds. All 2 year olds in the vicinity of a ski resort. These kids are the kids I was talking about at start. Talent. Birth.Yeah, that very fact. These kids will make you realise that. They kick your ass at this skiing thingy. They will ski straight, turn , wedge, ski in reverse, on one leg, on no legs. You name it, they’ll do it. And when you are lying with your face buried in the snow, they will come upto you and say ” It’s okay. Even I fell on my first time.” And yeah , they dont know how to speak.
7) Quit, while you are ahead. I mean at the end of the slopey snowy hill. Because to come back to the top , you are to use the open tramway. This thing gets you back to the top of the hill. There are two  problems. One. You are dangling in the air with all that equipment on you with no support, no safety measures emplo
yed. Two. Are you mad? You wanna go through that hell all over again ?
 
If you did not listen to any of the aforementioned words of wisdom, and actually went to a ski resort, fully dressed, pay and get the equipment, learn the lessons properly, fall a lot but still get it right after a lot of practice, laugh at yourself, take those  multiple trips over the precarious tramway, ski your heart out and really take a liking to the whole idea, then do not make this trip on the last day of ski season. I really mean it.